UTSAV – Lack of reasons to celebrate

I have been bipolar regarding my descision to participate in Western Solo dance this utsav. I am just demotivated the idea dosent make any sense anymore. People dance to feel good,people dance to celebrate and what not but my dance I realized was not based on any of these.

I danced to let people know I could,I danced to show off, to become popular, to hear comments about me and amaze them and all of this simply doesnt make sense for me anymore because when people are amazed and give me positive comments I am not really feeling good. Its like “Hey you dance well” and I am like “Thanks dude” but at the back of the mind I am like “I asked for this I got this okay now what ?”.

For sometime I thought I was just afraid of biased and improper judging or competition itself but then ruled out that point as I myself advise everyone that no contribution is small, no performence is bad. Missed all the solo performences this year at all the fests till now.

On top of it I am under a lot of pressure to perform by my friends and well wishers.I donno what will become of it but as of now I am lack of reasons to celebrate this year.

Was “JUDGED” third last time