|Image: By aeionic|
Beep-Beep-Beep and it went on. There was no stopping it. With every beep, the end was nearer. It was the world's most annoying sound, but, this time I didn't want it to end. It was my mother's pulse. Slowly and steadily it kept on beating. Everything was seemingly getting back to normal. But there was more than what just met the eye. Every beat chocked a milligram of unsaturated fat into her heart. No one knew; everyone had some work to do, few were on the phone, few were crying and most were just too scared to do anything. But I sat with her in that silent room; suffocation gripped me, hunger clawed me, but I refused to give in.
She was unusually silent. Not a word, just a blank face with a constantly dripping eye. She knew something was wrong. She was very confused. At eighty, she had seen almost everything in life, done everything, good and bad; which made her the person she was on that day. Day and night, she stared at the white ceiling, thinking and thinking. The sound had absorbed itself into our ears, a constant beep. The machine was consistent, very consistent, for which I would like to give credit to my mother. She did not give up. She wanted time to think- whether or not to leave us all behind and die peacefully. She told me this months ago, “The past is gone, the future is unpredictable, but today is changeable, that is why we call it the present”. I did not understand those lines at first, but today, I get the weight in those simple lines. One can change his present, the way he pleases to do what he believes is correct.
Doctors came and went with smiles on their faces but hours later, those smiles turned into poker faces. More and more fat started to get accumulated in her old heart and there was nothing we could do about it. All I did was just sit there, holding her hand, being there for her when she needed it the most.
She had this untameable faith in me, my photography. People did not take it seriously but my mother never discouraged me or pulled me back from doing something I truly loved. But all was not in her hands; it was the family’s decision at whole because of which my passion towards photography was submerged in the silent sea of dreams. She was upset about it; it had hurt me a lot. But out of her love for me, she secretly used to take me out on exotic locations with my camera which gave me the widest smile ever. She used to say, “You create magic my son”. Thinking about it still gives me the creepiest Goosebumps of all. Unfortunately the beep became slower. It created a hollow fright inside me; it quietly warned me, something was going to go horrible wrong. The beep now went random; its consistency did not last.
Five doctors rushed inside and created havoc. The silence and emotion in the room suddenly changed to chaos and commotion. They shook me up, completely; alerting me about the seriousness of the moment. My tears kept falling but now, I could no longer hold her hand; we were apart, forever I unwillingly supposed. My legs were shivering and my mouth was sealed, globules of sweat emerged onto my forehead and my heart pumped like a horse.
She began breathing heavily, opening her eyes wide as she did so. She looked at me with almost affection, I melted. I went towards her and held her hand slowly. She looked at the doctors and like hypnotised mummies, they went out. She called me close. I was confused; surprised even, at the doctor’s reluctant behaviour. I bent towards her and she said, “Believe in yourself”. Just three words sent me into a state of perplexity. I looked over to the closed window and it suddenly clicked in my mind that she was leaving me. Immediately, I turned back to her but I was too late. The pulse machine had stopped beeping; it went to a flat note. It was all over, I was broken, I was not prepared. I collapsed on her shoulders, being filled with complex emotions. The doctors left me alone with her in the room and went to give the others, this horrible news. I couldn’t think straight, all which came to my mind was her last words, to believe in myself. She wished me to be happy and not overburdened my family’s decisions. She wanted me to find success on my own feet rather than on other’s shoulders. Realising this, I slowly raised with red eyes, wet nose and a new found, unbreakable confidence. I will surely miss her with all my heart, but I will never forget what a great human being she was and what she taught me.