An undergraduate who mistook the university’s library for a bar is being offered counselling to help him recover from the trauma.

‘I’d had a few bottles and this and that and must have got a bit disorientated,’ explained E&C student Vijaykant Desai, ‘I pushed open this door expecting to see my colleagues and a line of Foster’s waiting for us to celebrate our new found success following the semester examinatons. Instead there was this dead quiet room full of shelves of books with just a few elderly folk reading and writing. At first I thought I’d died and was in Hell.’ Desai added that when he asked where he was, he was told to be quiet or leave the library by the ‘terrifying old budhaos’, later revealed to be mature students in their late 20's.

College Dean, Gag Krum Kum played down the incident and assured the public that this sort of incident was not typical of a modern academic environment. ‘The university authorities will be installing better signage so that other students do not suffer Vijaykant’s scary and traumatic experience,’ she said, ‘Young Vijaykant is still in shock but don’t worry we have extended indefinitely the deadline for students to return from DeeTee.’

The "facts" in this article are all made up (but you already knew that, didn't you?)


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