Bhondoo @MIT: Spitters unite to end smokers craze

The following is the complete unabridged text of Bhondoo’s speech at a rally held near Kamath Circle, today. The rally was very well attended according the few spectators who gathered at Lunch time, at the peak of the monsoon season.
The time for negotiation and patience has ended: they have been ineffective tools in dealing with the protagonists. A more “militant ” recourse is needed The Health Minister’s warning, the efforts of the former department of Health, Education and Welfare, “No Smoking” signs, and cold turkey have not abaited the smoker’s habit by much.
For the defense of non-smokers immediate action must be taken I, Bhondoo, as a strong proponent of non-smoking, have devised an offensive plan to deal with smokers. The name and the rallying call for which will be: “You smoke in my face, I’ll spit in yours “.

The rallying cry will be hailed by my non-smoking legions in elevators, public restrooms, theatres, lobbys, restaurant and other smoking hangouts until not one dry faced smoker exists. Disgusting you say. Some may call it reactionary. Others will say that such retaliation is unwarranted against smokers.
But for years haven’t the smokers invaded the public spaces of India and filled them with that choking bluish haze as they pleased. To many people, smoking is just as disgusting and is just as much a health hazard as spitting. Both are examples of a lack of consideration on behalf of those who smoke and spit in the presence of others. My goal is to give the smokers a taste of their own medicine.
Now smokers will have to face similiar forms of tortures that they have themselves brought upon others.
Smokers will have to try and work in spit filled rooms. How would a smoker like to have dinner with a person who continually spits while eating.Just think how smokers will feel watching a chain-spitter combine his habit with endless cups of coffee.
Would smokers find it amusing to watch someone blow spit rings. Can you imagine a smoker cleaning the spit stains off of his or her couch or rug after giving a party.
How many frustrated smokers would there be when their anti-spitting campaigns are crushed by the huge contributions given to spitters by the spitting lobby and the major spitoon manufacturers. Do you think a smoker would enjoy watching his or her spouse spit up after having sex. So now you can see how smokers might feel a little bit more anxious to quit than to face a daily barrage of spit.
Of course, I realize that upon declaring an open war on smokers some needless tragedies may occur. I expect to lose many of my nonsmoking – spitting followers to dehydration. Some I fear may become addicted, start spitting in bed, fall asleep
and drown themselves.
There may be splinter spitter groups using spit to further their own causes. Groups such as the Spitters Against Nuclear Energy (SANE) might take out their vengence on owners of micro-wave ovens.
Spitter vigalantes are another strong possibility. Though I would hate to see roving gangs of non-smokers, with their saliva drawn, pouncing upon elderly non-smokers.
So. you the smoker, have been forewarned. For somewhere in this world there is a non-smoker with a spit ball that has vour name on it.

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