Heard of the song “Fifty Ways to Leave Your Lover”? Well, I’d like to write my own title, this one called “Ten Ways to Tell a Guy to Get Lost.”
Through recent experiences of a friend of mine I have decided to devise a list of excuses. Recently, she met a gentleman with the obscure name of “Pepper.” (I thought it sounded like something you name the dog, too). After cornering her and boring her to death with a list of his phenomenal achievements, she came up with this brilliant excuse, I’m going to be late for class.”
It didn’t work because he followed her there, talking all the way. And everyday that the class met, who should she see en route? You guessed it. Well, she found an expensive looking, fake diamond ring and slipped it on her finger. ‘See?” she pointed out during herr next encounter, ‘I’m engaged.”
That was a mistake. He lectured her for a half an hour about the selfishness of limiting her love to one man.
Well, finally she got fed up. Her imagination about getting rid of the guy came up with the following list of 10 Ways to tell a Guy to get lost!
- I’m studying to be a nun, peace be with you.”
- I confess, I’m really gay. (Bad excuse-unless your name is “Butch,” no one seems to believe you.)
- You remind me of an old friend. His nickname was “Dog Breath.”
- A remark like “I’ve often contemplated what effect the persecution of Jean Moulin during the Nazi reign has had over France” or “I’m on my way to advanced calculus, then I have a physics lab” can be quite intimidating.
- I have herpes. (This one is guaranteed to scare anyone away, just don’t be surprised if you start hearing vile rumors about yourself.)
- “Eat quiche and die, bud.”
- A statement such as Tm a Nazi” is also known to attract negative feelings.
- “Like be real, dude. You’re like totally making me gag out. You’re like totally messing up my karma.” This one turns off everyone.
- Buzz off, ugly. (This one is a little too crass).
- There is one more approach you could use. But, no, it’s too shocking. Well, maybe it could work. How about this one, “Excuse me but, you’re beginning to annoy me. I’d appreciate it if you just left me alone.” I think that one is called honesty.